AUTHOR'S NOTE (5/10/12, 6:54am): This post was submitted on May 10th but actually begun several weeks prior to the one entitled "Decay", I just forgot to finish it until now. It's kind of pointless now since it's so far after the fact and barely anything else has happened since the events of the first two semi-posts, but whatever. It's my blog and an insight into my life.
--
This is only going to be about the girl from the previous post.
Then, I was confused and struggling to understand my own emotions, and whether or not I was in love with her or not. And if I was going to confess that to her, or whatever. I eventually did the latter, though I didn't do it in the way I thought I would-- the opportunity just kind of arose.
Since then I've undergone some of the worst depression of my life, because of her, basically. Or maybe I just became depressed and focused on her to kind of keep me sane, or something... I haven't gone to school in almost a month and pretty much every day of the last two weeks of October or so, I stayed home, and usually laid in bed, texting her or thinking about her. And gradually sunk deeper and deeper into this slump I'm in now-- which was really bad in November, but has kind of abated.
Near the end of October I really felt like I was getting kinda close with her, and becoming better friends, and stuff... and then it just... evaporated. I don't know why. I started feeling very distant from her and we stopped talking. Well, she stopped talking to me. Wouldn't answer any of my texts or reply to messages on Facebook, except for two occasions, once on November 10th, and then on November 15th, where she told me to delete her number for my own good, because she wasn't going to reply anymore, because she didn't want to talk to me "or anyone". This made me think something was wrong, so I kept texting her, trying to convince her to talk to me and let me help her... but it didn't work.
--
The part of this post above the two hyphens is almost obsolete now, because new information has come to light. I don't remember what I was trying to say and I honestly just forgot to finish it. However, I did move my situation with her forward a bit.
She did not need help. She was ignoring me on purpose because she misconstrued my sincerity for needy, misguided puppy love nonsense. I did not know this until December 10th because I finally took action on December 9th and the results of my actions spilled over onto December 10th.
12/9 was a Friday. That day I got out of bed specifically because I was motivated to take things into my own hands and try to fix the thing that had been plaguing me (her ignoring me). My mother doesn't give me rides places if I don't go to school, so that is why I did that day. Then, after I got out of school and did some things at home, I went to meet up with friends of mine at a band practice. Because of various circumstances I knew that if I did I would end up going to Norwood, which was my goal. After said practice was finished, myself and several of my friends got a ride from Pat (whose house the practice was at) to Roshin's (a dear friend) house in Norwood. We disembarked. I believe it was about 8pm. I knew Robin (the girl) was most likely going to be out of work between 9:15 and 9:30 so I had thought to myself that I would want to be outside her workplace by 8:55. My intention was to approach her in person and attempt to get answers from her. At 8:40, a point was reached where my friends wanted to go off to a playground and smoke some synthetic weed. I knew that if I went with them I would lose my chance, so I decided to part ways for the moment.
Then I walked by myself to the center of Norwood and waited outside her workplace for a while, constantly checking the time and walking around, trying to find a good vantage point where I could look casual. While I was walking, I had texted her, saying something to the effect of "Hey, are you working right now?" There was no reply. I presumed there wouldn't be because I thought she had blocked my number and even if she hadn't that she would not have replied anyway. I didn't really care. The possibility of me being able to speak to her in person was too lucrative in my mind to pass up. Anyway, at one point I decided to walk past the store she works at, to try and see if she was even there, and as I walked past the window, she was RIGHT THERE, not looking at me because she was doing some shit with the register. My heart rate spiked and I moved past it as fast as I could (within reason). I waited across the street, fairly sure that I wouldn't really be noticed, and eventually saw her leave the store. I would have approached her but she was with her best friend and they were both walking back to her house, and I felt it would be unpleasant if I opted to go with my original plan, so instead I just... followed them, basically. I am aware that this was a bad thing to do and I shouldn't have but it made sense at the time. At a distance, though after a point I made it obvious that I was. I'm not entirely sure why but I don't care either way since it hardly matters. Ultimately I saw them both walk into the house, and I walked past it to stay casual. I'm pretty sure I basically made eye contact with Robin through her window as I was doing so. Then when she was fully inside the house I walked back in front, got the address then departed to meet up with my friends once again. I called them and did so, then walked around quite a lot (and also smoked a bunch of synthetic weed).
After a while, six became two and I walked alone with Roshin back to the train station in Norwood (which Robin lives across the street from) in search of a power outlet to charge my phone with. I did so and made contact with another good friend (Eric) who was getting out of work at 1am and wanted to know if I wanted to chill, to which I said yes. I think that was at about 12:30. Then, I decided to go to Robin's house again. I was going to ring the doorbell but then opted to go back to the train station to consult Roshin for advice. He said I shouldn't given that it was 1 in the morning around that point, but I decided to go back again anyway. I rang the doorbell. Waited a minute. Rang it again. Waited another minute. Rang again. I knocked on the door around twice I think. I don't remember exactly how many times I rang, maybe 4? At some point I texted her saying it was me outside and I made up a lie about being stranded and needing to charge my phone and being made to leave the train station by a cop, I guess to try and maybe convince her to let me in or something. I don't even really know, I was high. But she said to go away or that she would call the cops at which point I decided to book ass out of there and go back to the train station. Roshin and I waited for Eric and I was kind of arguing with her via text message in the meantime. Eric picked us up, we went back to Eric's, I charged my phone more there, Eric dropped Roshin off at his house and then Eric and I went to our good friend Andre's house to chill. While I was there, after a point it was made known to me (since Andre is friends with Robin on Facebook and I am not) that Robin posted a status more or less slandering me. I was upset and we talked about this a bit I think, but then we decided to smoke more weed and watch CKY.
After this, at about 6 in the morning I had Andre give me a ride home. I went home and did some stuff then sent her a long
--
Another lapse in time. If anyone ever reads this, I apologize. The two hyphens above mark yet another period of me pausing a post for whatever reason and simply forgetting to continue it. I forget yet again where I was going but I can tell you it basically went nowhere. We reconnected and then disconnected again and that's it. I haven't spoken to her since December 30th, 2011. I don't know if she still lives in the same state or has the same number or is even alive, though a mutual friend told me that he heard someone saw her a month ago but that's it. I may elaborate more on this chapter of my life in a later post, but this summary should be good for now.
Time has made me realize many things about what happened. I'll write more about this later on, but for now, I am content merely to finally submit this post, which has been almost six months in the making at this point...
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Decay
2011 was a good year. However, I feel the most crushing of sorrows at the moment. The worst I have felt, in fact. From now on I will be speaking in a stream of consciousness. This should not make sense, but if it does I suppose that is good. I just need to express certain things.
I have come to realize that the past 4-ish months of my life have meant almost nothing. I have achieved nothing nor have I done anything of worth. I believe if I looked at that statement from an objective standpoint I will find it to be demonstrably untrue but I do not care to do so and I am speaking out of negativity to vent negativity. My life has been trapped in a downward spiral and I do not know how to break out of it. I am too weak to do so, my shortcomings prevent me from it, yet I am too strong to succumb to it. It is an unpleasant scenario.
I have discovered love for the first time, but it has reduced my soul to ashes. An anvil is shackled to each of my feet and I am trapped at the bottom of an ocean of negativity. As I see it I have no escape. A girl holds more power over my life than she will ever know. I hate the fact that I have become so cliche yet overjoyed that I had the opportunity to do so. The only priority I have in life right now is to talk to her but I have a feeling that she does not want to talk to me and never will but is too polite to express that for some reason. However, I feel that this is something I have fooled myself into believing out of paranoia. I do not trust her and want to see the worst in her even though on some level I am aware that she is one of the best people that I know and is most likely not lying.
I don't believe that I will ever be in a relationship with her and even the prospect of us being friends (as much as a heterosexual male and female can be "just friends") seems slim. I am afraid that I will never love another person because I only discovered her through the most incredible of circumstances. I am afraid that I do not actually love her but what I think she is. I am afraid that I will be too weak to try and move on from this situation.
I think I may be undergoing a temporary lapse of sanity induced by sleep deprivation. More later.
I have come to realize that the past 4-ish months of my life have meant almost nothing. I have achieved nothing nor have I done anything of worth. I believe if I looked at that statement from an objective standpoint I will find it to be demonstrably untrue but I do not care to do so and I am speaking out of negativity to vent negativity. My life has been trapped in a downward spiral and I do not know how to break out of it. I am too weak to do so, my shortcomings prevent me from it, yet I am too strong to succumb to it. It is an unpleasant scenario.
I have discovered love for the first time, but it has reduced my soul to ashes. An anvil is shackled to each of my feet and I am trapped at the bottom of an ocean of negativity. As I see it I have no escape. A girl holds more power over my life than she will ever know. I hate the fact that I have become so cliche yet overjoyed that I had the opportunity to do so. The only priority I have in life right now is to talk to her but I have a feeling that she does not want to talk to me and never will but is too polite to express that for some reason. However, I feel that this is something I have fooled myself into believing out of paranoia. I do not trust her and want to see the worst in her even though on some level I am aware that she is one of the best people that I know and is most likely not lying.
I don't believe that I will ever be in a relationship with her and even the prospect of us being friends (as much as a heterosexual male and female can be "just friends") seems slim. I am afraid that I will never love another person because I only discovered her through the most incredible of circumstances. I am afraid that I do not actually love her but what I think she is. I am afraid that I will be too weak to try and move on from this situation.
I think I may be undergoing a temporary lapse of sanity induced by sleep deprivation. More later.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Love
Bit more than a month after the first one... whatever.
Time is fucked. It goes by too slowly and then at the same time goes by so fast... not much has happened since 9/3, really. The biggest thing that's happened is I'm now in love I guess... I initially friended her on Facebook cause I thought she was hot (being totally honest, here) and found myself enraptured by her beauty. But I mean, that's common. There are lots of beautiful women around, but one day (September 23rd, I will remember this day) I got her number randomly-- it wasn't anything significant, she just posted a status consisting of "someone new should text me (: message me for the number" (that's word for word), because I thought it'd be cool to get to know her I did so, and started texting her and stuff...
I dunno why I started falling for her. She just started telling me all this stuff about her that I thought was really sad but that also made me feel sympathetic, like I had a need to help her somehow. She hates herself, and I hate that she hates herself. I just felt this spontaneous, human attraction that defies the explanation. I love talking to her. I'm always thinking about her. I get anxious when she is upset or if I think I've displeased her somehow (I am very cynical, paranoid, etc... so this happens a lot) or she doesn't respond a text. I get nervous and jump to negative conclusions based on things that she's said, stuff that I would feel horrible about if it applied to me-- like as an example, last Wednesday she was really angry about something (I still don't know what). I texted and asked if she was okay, and her reply was "Nope. Fuck off.", I was fine with that and thought that was reasonable since she's kind of a solitary person, I guess, and was mad and all... I wish I had asked why. I still don't know why, but I want to, because I'm really concerned about her and all... anyway, I texted her the next day and didn't get a response all day and kept checking my phone feverishly (even whilst in school). I came up with many irrational conclusions that furthered my anxiety, and I couldn't sleep for 2 hours because I kept thinking about her. Then on Friday I asked if she was around on Thursday and she said her phone was off and didn't check FB, so was playing dead to the world basically, which was a relief.
Those are only some of my thoughts about her. I could write so much about what I think about her. How beautiful she is. How good of a person she is. Why she shouldn't hate herself. How she's a good person but doesn't realize it, or doesn't want to admit it...
I don't know. I'm still rambling because I just type this shit in a stream of consciousness. I don't tell this to anyone else because I keep like 97% of what I think inside my brain, that's just who I am... but like, I wish I could talk to her about stuff. I really want to be her friend... she's so special. I have not met anybody like her. She's the exact same as me on the inside... it feels so odd to be so close yet so far. I think I love her. Well, no. I do love her... I have never felt like this about anybody before. She is beautiful, goofy, funny, intelligent, open minded, not judgmental whatsoever... but also fragile, insecure and self-loathing. I wish I could change that... I really want to make a positive impact on her life somehow.
She said that she doesn't trust one person and doesn't have any real friends, just people she gets high or gets Slurpees with or something... I felt so sad, then. I wanted to make her change what she said... I still do, more so now than I did before. I wish she could trust me and confide in me and talk to me about anything because I feel the same about her too. I have lived in my head my whole life... I've never confided in anybody else, I always keep my emotions and thoughts to myself. But I would like to change that... I want to be able to confide in her and talk to her about anything and talk to her when I'm sad because I know she could make me feel better, because I love the fuck out of her, and I don't feel uncomfortable with admitting that or wanting to be able to do all this shit with her because she's so special. In every way. I probably feel more affectionate toward her than any of my other friends because she's a girl...
To reiterate, I've never experienced love before, but... I've found it, I think.
Maybe I will show her this at some point, because more than anything right now I want to get to know her better and have her know me better. The thing that fucks with me the most is that she hates it here, and because she lives on her own (she's 20 and works full time), has the option to move. She said she is definitely moving from Massachusetts to Florida in the next 6 months. I respect that she wants to change her life for the better, but I mean, I am so afraid... so afraid that I might never have the confidence to tell her how I feel. Afraid that I might lose the only person I have ever loved in my entire life. Afraid that I could lose what might be one of the best things to happen to me. Afraid that she will never remember me... afraid that I won't get to the point where I can confess this to her and not have her be flabbergasted.
If she does end up leaving, I am going to be so fucking sad. Holy shit. I know I will cry.
If I had to sum it up, I am in love with a very special person. I feel helpless and alone about this, and I also feel yearning... I dearly wish I could form some sort of intimate relationship with her even if it isn't necessarily sexual. Just like... really good friends. For everything I outlined above. I'm waiting for a text from her right now and I'm going to leave my phone on all night in the event that she texts me and I don't want to risk the chance of not hearing something from her because I'm asking about if she wants to hang out next weekend, basically, and I want to see her so fucking much.
I love you, Robin. But more than that, I really wish you loved me... more than anything.
"Can't you see I'm trying, I don't even like it
I just lied to get to your apartment
Now I'm staying there just for a while
I can't think 'cause I'm just way too tired
Is this it
Is this it
Is this it"
-Is This It by The Strokes
Time is fucked. It goes by too slowly and then at the same time goes by so fast... not much has happened since 9/3, really. The biggest thing that's happened is I'm now in love I guess... I initially friended her on Facebook cause I thought she was hot (being totally honest, here) and found myself enraptured by her beauty. But I mean, that's common. There are lots of beautiful women around, but one day (September 23rd, I will remember this day) I got her number randomly-- it wasn't anything significant, she just posted a status consisting of "someone new should text me (: message me for the number" (that's word for word), because I thought it'd be cool to get to know her I did so, and started texting her and stuff...
I dunno why I started falling for her. She just started telling me all this stuff about her that I thought was really sad but that also made me feel sympathetic, like I had a need to help her somehow. She hates herself, and I hate that she hates herself. I just felt this spontaneous, human attraction that defies the explanation. I love talking to her. I'm always thinking about her. I get anxious when she is upset or if I think I've displeased her somehow (I am very cynical, paranoid, etc... so this happens a lot) or she doesn't respond a text. I get nervous and jump to negative conclusions based on things that she's said, stuff that I would feel horrible about if it applied to me-- like as an example, last Wednesday she was really angry about something (I still don't know what). I texted and asked if she was okay, and her reply was "Nope. Fuck off.", I was fine with that and thought that was reasonable since she's kind of a solitary person, I guess, and was mad and all... I wish I had asked why. I still don't know why, but I want to, because I'm really concerned about her and all... anyway, I texted her the next day and didn't get a response all day and kept checking my phone feverishly (even whilst in school). I came up with many irrational conclusions that furthered my anxiety, and I couldn't sleep for 2 hours because I kept thinking about her. Then on Friday I asked if she was around on Thursday and she said her phone was off and didn't check FB, so was playing dead to the world basically, which was a relief.
Those are only some of my thoughts about her. I could write so much about what I think about her. How beautiful she is. How good of a person she is. Why she shouldn't hate herself. How she's a good person but doesn't realize it, or doesn't want to admit it...
I don't know. I'm still rambling because I just type this shit in a stream of consciousness. I don't tell this to anyone else because I keep like 97% of what I think inside my brain, that's just who I am... but like, I wish I could talk to her about stuff. I really want to be her friend... she's so special. I have not met anybody like her. She's the exact same as me on the inside... it feels so odd to be so close yet so far. I think I love her. Well, no. I do love her... I have never felt like this about anybody before. She is beautiful, goofy, funny, intelligent, open minded, not judgmental whatsoever... but also fragile, insecure and self-loathing. I wish I could change that... I really want to make a positive impact on her life somehow.
She said that she doesn't trust one person and doesn't have any real friends, just people she gets high or gets Slurpees with or something... I felt so sad, then. I wanted to make her change what she said... I still do, more so now than I did before. I wish she could trust me and confide in me and talk to me about anything because I feel the same about her too. I have lived in my head my whole life... I've never confided in anybody else, I always keep my emotions and thoughts to myself. But I would like to change that... I want to be able to confide in her and talk to her about anything and talk to her when I'm sad because I know she could make me feel better, because I love the fuck out of her, and I don't feel uncomfortable with admitting that or wanting to be able to do all this shit with her because she's so special. In every way. I probably feel more affectionate toward her than any of my other friends because she's a girl...
To reiterate, I've never experienced love before, but... I've found it, I think.
Maybe I will show her this at some point, because more than anything right now I want to get to know her better and have her know me better. The thing that fucks with me the most is that she hates it here, and because she lives on her own (she's 20 and works full time), has the option to move. She said she is definitely moving from Massachusetts to Florida in the next 6 months. I respect that she wants to change her life for the better, but I mean, I am so afraid... so afraid that I might never have the confidence to tell her how I feel. Afraid that I might lose the only person I have ever loved in my entire life. Afraid that I could lose what might be one of the best things to happen to me. Afraid that she will never remember me... afraid that I won't get to the point where I can confess this to her and not have her be flabbergasted.
If she does end up leaving, I am going to be so fucking sad. Holy shit. I know I will cry.
If I had to sum it up, I am in love with a very special person. I feel helpless and alone about this, and I also feel yearning... I dearly wish I could form some sort of intimate relationship with her even if it isn't necessarily sexual. Just like... really good friends. For everything I outlined above. I'm waiting for a text from her right now and I'm going to leave my phone on all night in the event that she texts me and I don't want to risk the chance of not hearing something from her because I'm asking about if she wants to hang out next weekend, basically, and I want to see her so fucking much.
I love you, Robin. But more than that, I really wish you loved me... more than anything.
"Can't you see I'm trying, I don't even like it
I just lied to get to your apartment
Now I'm staying there just for a while
I can't think 'cause I'm just way too tired
Is this it
Is this it
Is this it"
-Is This It by The Strokes
Saturday, September 3, 2011
A Year Later
... or 356 days later, rather. Almost a year. Whatever.
Much has happened. I am still named Steven, and male, however I am age 16 now. I never really forgot about this blog however I'm only getting around to making another post now for... well, I don't know really. I have to say that I learned more about myself and my passion (music) in 2010 and 2011 than I have in my entire life. I suppose a fitting purpose for this entry would be to summarize my life in the past year... hopefully my updating of this blog will not be an annual occasion, though I don't anybody gives a shit. Perhaps if I'm somewhat famous people will dig this up, or something, or maybe I will maintain it for several years... who knows.
Have not been in the "other band" mentioned in the previous post for a while, since October 2010 in fact, and it was very shitty, anyway. Abandoned bass playing around the end of December 2010 or beginning of January 2011 to pursue drums more seriously and have stuck with it since. Worked with the drummer of Periphery, the wonderful Matt Halpern, for all of January, which helped a lot in many ways, I think. I continued taking online lessons from him sporadically, and had the opportunity to have an in person lesson with him on April 10th, when his band was playing in Massachusetts. Stopped taking lessons from the first teacher I had, Eric Anderson, sometime in April, though I must say he was great. I also stopped taking lessons from Matt in July after discovering Mike Heller, the drummer of Malignancy, who is an absolutely incredible player and also the best teacher for me at this point in time, I think.
Been to some amazing shows both with local and national bands, one of which was responsible for meeting some people who are now some of my best friends, and started a band called Morbid Reality with two kids that are two years younger than me in March 2011, which actually doesn't totally suck. We're in the process of writing material currently, and my guitarist is coming over later today (it's 3:24am as I type this) for that purpose... I've also kind of joined another band with some friends of mine, called SNAFU, and I'm jamming with them this Sunday. I don't have any idea what it'll sound like but hopefully it'll work out. I got my first job this summer, in August, though I was fired in my 3rd week... the whole situation was pretty fucked so I may devote a later post to this. As a result, I'm not going to look for work until the winter, at least, though I mean, things change of course... I've gotten much better at drums over the past year but I still have a long way to go. I am very excited to be working with Mike though, and have noticed improvement, so hopefully that long way will be made just a bit easier.
I'm now a junior, and as I said earlier, I've learned an epochal amount about who I am as a person this past year. Fitting that I made this blog and am making these posts near the beginning of my school year, as well, because as a student, my life mostly revolves around school... I've decided that I have no interest in attending college, even for drums, and I've made many new friends. I cannot wait for fall and the transition into the new year. This post is kind of disjointed, maybe because I've been up since 12pm, so I think I will go to bed now. Expect a new post somewhat soon.
"Her lips are wet with venom
Her posture's serpentine
She'll touch my arm and
flowers grow there
Poisonous and obscene"
-Towering Flesh by Pig Destroyer
Much has happened. I am still named Steven, and male, however I am age 16 now. I never really forgot about this blog however I'm only getting around to making another post now for... well, I don't know really. I have to say that I learned more about myself and my passion (music) in 2010 and 2011 than I have in my entire life. I suppose a fitting purpose for this entry would be to summarize my life in the past year... hopefully my updating of this blog will not be an annual occasion, though I don't anybody gives a shit. Perhaps if I'm somewhat famous people will dig this up, or something, or maybe I will maintain it for several years... who knows.
Have not been in the "other band" mentioned in the previous post for a while, since October 2010 in fact, and it was very shitty, anyway. Abandoned bass playing around the end of December 2010 or beginning of January 2011 to pursue drums more seriously and have stuck with it since. Worked with the drummer of Periphery, the wonderful Matt Halpern, for all of January, which helped a lot in many ways, I think. I continued taking online lessons from him sporadically, and had the opportunity to have an in person lesson with him on April 10th, when his band was playing in Massachusetts. Stopped taking lessons from the first teacher I had, Eric Anderson, sometime in April, though I must say he was great. I also stopped taking lessons from Matt in July after discovering Mike Heller, the drummer of Malignancy, who is an absolutely incredible player and also the best teacher for me at this point in time, I think.
Been to some amazing shows both with local and national bands, one of which was responsible for meeting some people who are now some of my best friends, and started a band called Morbid Reality with two kids that are two years younger than me in March 2011, which actually doesn't totally suck. We're in the process of writing material currently, and my guitarist is coming over later today (it's 3:24am as I type this) for that purpose... I've also kind of joined another band with some friends of mine, called SNAFU, and I'm jamming with them this Sunday. I don't have any idea what it'll sound like but hopefully it'll work out. I got my first job this summer, in August, though I was fired in my 3rd week... the whole situation was pretty fucked so I may devote a later post to this. As a result, I'm not going to look for work until the winter, at least, though I mean, things change of course... I've gotten much better at drums over the past year but I still have a long way to go. I am very excited to be working with Mike though, and have noticed improvement, so hopefully that long way will be made just a bit easier.
I'm now a junior, and as I said earlier, I've learned an epochal amount about who I am as a person this past year. Fitting that I made this blog and am making these posts near the beginning of my school year, as well, because as a student, my life mostly revolves around school... I've decided that I have no interest in attending college, even for drums, and I've made many new friends. I cannot wait for fall and the transition into the new year. This post is kind of disjointed, maybe because I've been up since 12pm, so I think I will go to bed now. Expect a new post somewhat soon.
"Her lips are wet with venom
Her posture's serpentine
She'll touch my arm and
flowers grow there
Poisonous and obscene"
-Towering Flesh by Pig Destroyer
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Intro and Expression of Outrage
Hello. My name is Steven. Male. 15 years old.
Although I doubt anyone will read this at any time in the immediate future, I was angered by something last night and wanted to create a vehicle to express that. So there you go.
Last night at about 9pm, I was Facebook IMed by the vocalist of a band I was in. Transcription:
Jeovanni
hey dude
8:56pm Me
yo
8:56pm Jeovanni
we gotta new guitarist so john switched to bass
sorry
8:57pm Me
mmk
What that means is that I was basically kicked out. Even though I had no idea there would be another guitarist, or that there were talks of switching the lineup. Even though I know I can play circles around the dude who replaced me. Even though the band had only been together since like, August 19th, so like... five weeks?
Whatever. I'm mature enough to not go nuts on them, but that's just unprofessional. Fuck. I have my other band, though, who are more talented for the most part, know more bands in the area and are more serious. If for some reason guitarist douchebag gets kicked out and they want me back, I'm gonna say no, because why the fuck would I agree to rejoin if they were willing to drop me on a dime?
Admittedly, I found them through Craigslist and emailed the dude who would eventually end up replacing me, and so I wasn't really friends with any of them as of yet and didn't really talk to them much outside of the occasional text to inquire when practice would be-- because there was no set rehearsal day, and I would have to text John to figure anything out, otherwise everyone would forget to tell me. But I don't care, really. They all had poor taste in music and didn't have a good sense of structure.
By the way, this was my first band. Thursday, August 19th - Saturday, September 11th. Great track record so far...
More crap that nobody cares about to come later.
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